On this episode Jeanne is talking with artist and creator of The Good Daughters Club, Kathi Graves.
What happens when rolls reverse and you find yourself being the caregiver of a parent, child or spouse?
Join us for a raw conversation about walking through caring for a parent and support group that was born from the pain.
Episode Summary
On this episode Jeanne is talking with artist and creator of The Good Daughters Club, Kathi Graves. What happens when rolls reverse and you find yourself being the caregiver of a parent, child or spouse? Join us for a raw conversation about walking through caring for a parent and support group that was born from the pain.
Episode Notes
Podcast 026, | The Good Daughters Club with Kathi Graves
2:41 “My father was a functioning alcoholic, and my brother just…left.”
3:21 “A few years later, we decided to move to Charlotte to start a business and my husband
said we’re only going if Lucille [my mom] will go with us…”
5:21 “It was probably 3 or 4 years into that that we began to notice some things that indicated
her cognitive abilities could be diminishing.”
6:31 “One recurring theme was the oddity of mothering your mother, that journey was just
weird.”
11:04 “I really lived into the dutiful daughter role, and now I see that led to some resentments.”
11:58 “As I was thinking through it, I realized that my areas of greatest struggle could become
my areas of my greatest strength.”
16:32 “The Good Daughters Club; I founded it in the middle of it with a few other friends who
were going through similar situations.”
20:50 “All of these women [who made up The Good Daughters Club], I was having
conversations with all three of them, and it saved me, it really did.”
24:05 “Some of us won’t admit we need help because we’re the ‘helpers of the world’, or some
of us don’t want to be seen as vulnerable, or we don’t trust others to help.”
27:13 “For us, when my mom died, there was so much relief, and it was healthy; it had been a
long goodbye.”
32:07 “My mom was a very simple person in that certain things she loved in life and gave her
life to: she loved her church, she loved to sing…”
34:01 “At the beginning, I think she was less worried than we were…”
38:09 “Try to find something in the present moment that is worth valuing.”
40:31 “Find at least one safe person with whom you can vent without dishonoring the dignity of
your parent.”
47:36 “When it comes to caring for care-givers, the simplicity of it is: do something. And you
don’t have to have the right words, you don’t have to give the perfect gift, the thing is: show up.”
51:03 “I’m an enneagram 6 Jeanne, we don’t dream a lot, and there’s a lot of qualifiers and pre-qualifiers in my life.”
Born and raised in the great Midwest, my husband and love-of-my-life, Kurt, and I have called Charlotte, NC home for so many years now that we can safely say “y’all” and expect no sideways glances.
When I’m not painting, I use my love for interior decorating to create a beautiful and inviting home that reflects who we are. One that functions well and truly sparks joy. My (slightly suspect) administrative skills keep the husband on task and in the right place at the right time and gardening helps feeds my passion for nourishing our bodies well. And some of my houseplants have names, so there’s that. I have a beautiful network of friends who lift me up and I find great purpose encouraging and mentoring others inside and outside of our faith community. And boy, am I funny. I marvel how CrossFit workouts can simultaneously energize AND suck the life out of me. And any attempts to herd our cats Richie and Royal are daily reminders that, hard as I may try, I’m never really in control of anything.
My mother, Lucille, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease 3 years into her 13 years of life with us in our home. Along the way, I founded the Good Daughters Club with 3 friends who were also caring for parents and, after my mom’s passing, I started the Good Daughters Club blog as a virtual landing place for some women to encourage others (and themselves) by writing their own stories. I laid the GDC aside for awhile but it would not leave me alone so here I am again, with new content on the way and a new presence on social media. I hope it will be an inviting place for many other good daughters to come and be blessed.
My artwork is currently available locally at Slate Interiors and I invite you to peruse my Etsy shop, KathiGravesArt. I often work directly with designers and I also welcome commission work.
Website: www.kathigraves.com
Instagram: @kathigravesart
Facebook: Kathi Graves Art
Pinterest: Kathi Graves Art
Etsy: KathiGravesArt
Website: https://gooddaughtersclub.wordpress.com
Instagram: @gooddaughtersclub
Facebook: Good Daughters Club
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Loved this talk. My mom had Alzeheimers the last 8 years of her life. I chose to remember the beautiful loving woman she was instead of the last few years of her life. My mom didn’t know me or my children. She even physically lashed out at me once. She was long gone, before she was physically gone. Horrible disease.
I love this podcast. I have a friend that is going through the exact same thing with her father and realizing she can’t have children. I am going to send the link to her.
Makes me weep!