A few years ago Mary-K Mullin, a girl I went to high school with, died from a brain tumor. When I first found out she was sick( and that it was terminal) I wrote her this message.
Mary-K, I have just heard the saddest news and I can’t even believe it is true. I don’t want to waste one more second telling you something while I still can because I have thought of it hundreds of times over my life. When we were seniors in high school we were all supposed to stand up and recite something. I don’t even remember the assignment except that it was in Mrs. Nevenhoven’s class. We all half-ass got up and recited something but not you. You started reciting freaking Hamlet. You gave it your all. I have thought many times of how you didn’t care and just were you way before I knew how to be me. You had the strength of character to know who you were even in high school. I have often wished I could go back and do those years again and just follow what I knew to be me but afraid to do it. I should have done more theater, created an art studio up in our barn loft and I should have gone to art school because it just made me happy. I can not even count how many times I have thought of you standing up and reciting, “To die, to sleep – to sleep, perchance to dream – ay, there’s the rub, for in this sleep of death what dreams may come…”. You made me see. You have made me see over and over through the years and we were never even near each other. You lived boldly and I promise to live more boldly because of you. Jeanne
I came across the above message just the other day and then the next day I read the following from Martin Luther King Jr. …
“You may be 38 years old, as I happen to be. And one day, some great opportunity stands before you and calls you to stand up for some great principle, some great issue, some great cause. And you refuse to do it because you are afraid…. You refuse to do it because you want to live longer…. You’re afraid that you will lose your job, or you are afraid that you will be criticized or that you will lose your popularity, or you’re afraid that somebody will stab you, or shoot at you or bomb your house; so you refuse to take the stand.
Well, you may go on and live until you are 90, but you’re just as dead at 38 as you would be at 90. And the cessation of breathing in your life is but the belated announcement of an earlier death of the spirit.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.
Are there areas in my life where I am still acting like that 17-year-old sitting in Mrs. Nevenhoven’s class? What will I look back on if I have the privilege of living to an old age and wish I could do it over and show up? Do I ever worry that because my voice will be shaky and my words not polished or perfect that I don’t still open my mouth and speak? I can tell you with all honestly that it has stopped me in the past for sure. Will I offend? Will I say it “right”? I probably don’t know enough about XYZ to debate this or put my thoughts out there or a million other lies that keep me quiet.
I don’t know what is stirring in you. I don’t know if there is a little bit leftover from you feeling like a 17-year-old sitting in a high school class but Mary K would give anything to still show up. I still get to. I still can. I want my whole life to drip with proof that I am alive and that I choose to live! So, I want to stand next to you, and maybe we can hold each other’s hands and do the hard and scary things together. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just can be.
Very powerful – you have just stirred me deeply.
Thank you for posting this! I really needed to see it.
This is awesome and authentic. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.
What beautiful words, hugs to Mary’s family. Thank you for that encouragement. I recently started to honor that 7 yr old in me. Your words are so true, and I too am thankful to the Lord that I get to show up as well. Thank you and God continue to bless you and shine his light on you. ❤️
This touched my heart so deeply. Thank you for sharing this.
Yes! Let us stand together with shaky hands. ❤️
For me, the most important thing I want to do is to encourage everyone with whom my life intersects, to find out who the one true God really is, so they can also KNOW for sure how incredibly loved they are. If they can believe that, I pray that they will then begin the beautiful journey of a new life with Him, with Jesus who has experienced everything we have, and with the Holy Spirit who reminds us of everything Jesus said.
May it be so.
Thank you Jeanne, for sharing this story.
The hairs have stood up on my arms reading this makes me want to cry I pine for my youth again to live a lot very different 🥲
VERY MOVING‼️ Thank you for speaking up and speaking out… We all ALL need to hear this, and search our hearts and minds, and think deeply about it and this crazy world we’re living in… AND PRAY‼️ 🙏
This touched my heart so deeply. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you so much for this.
Incredible! Just what I needed to read this morning! You never cease to amaze me!
What an amazing part of you that you shared with us! You have me in tears. Aren’t we blessed to have people that touches so much in our lives? You are that for so many people. Thank you.
I read the paragraph from MLK and you know even after all these years I could hear his voice in my head as I read it. Thank you so much for reminding all of us that sometimes you just need to stand. Stand for good. Stand for what is right. Stand for your own dreams.
Beautifully put in words Jeanne! Food for thought as to how to be oneself. Myself. Now.
Wow, oh wow….. Your perfect timing as this very second in my life is almost unbelievable, but I know better. Severely struggling with my Mum passing from dementia. My world has tilted. Everything has shifted….too afraid to trust or believe in anything or anybody, including myself.
I thank you. I thank you for exposing yourself. Just look at the impact when we link shakey hands together and empower each other and ourselves. Thank you ❤️
Truly beautiful and powerful words! Thank you for this wonderful post. You inspire me to be stronger and to work harder at being myself , at overcoming those negative voices inside me. This is a keeper!
Thank you for sharing this prompt so beautifully and poignantly.
Jeanne….Hi, I am a Jeanne too. Thank you for sharing and I almost did not comment, yes, I am afraid. Although, I am sitting here with tears pouring down my face. Your words have moved something in me and I am not sure if you will ever know how much. You see, I’ve lost my joy. Not just 10 minutes ago, I was praying for help in finding my joy again. I take the steps and do the necessary, procrastinate when I shouldn’t and feel gray all the time. The simple things, like my tea in the morning is now just a routine rather than an enjoyment. The bigger things in life that are good, also feel like a routine…and gray. I am hoping the something moved is the answer I need to find color again. Thank you. Jeanne
Thank you, Jeanne, for putting words to what I am feeling today. A little shaky and wobbly but determined to show up as my joyful, creative, visionary self. xoxo
I’m uplifted by your story Jeanne. I lost my daughter to a brain tumour when she was 42. The things she taught me in her short life are limitless. She taught me to be brave when things are hard. She taught me to do the things I love today rather than tomorrow but mostly she taught me about kindness to others. I try every day to live by those lessons. It gets hard some days but knowing there are others who have the same goals gives me hope. Cheers.
Thank you for sharing this story Jeanne – I feel as if a giant switch was just flipped on inside of me!
Wow!
This post resonated with me deeply for so many ways. It made me cry and will probably stay with me for at least the entire day but probably longer. It would take me hours to tell you all the reasons why and if we were sitting together I would probably tell you why but we aren’t. I do wish I had just one friend to talk with.
I just want to say thank you for sharing your story and your heart. I’m saving this post in my files and I will probably print it out.
We are here, many of us, and you can reach out. You are not alone.
Jeanne, you’re reading my journal again…thank you for this—just so grateful.
So Powerful!!
Wonderful , thank you for sharing.
Thank you…I needed to hear this.
Thank you.
Oh my gosh Jeanne! That was beautiful! you really inspire me (by the way, you are an excellent writer!).
I think every person can relate to your story… Thank you for sharing!
Wow! Just wow! This was so moving and such an important message… Thank you!
Thank you for sharing this Jeanne. It is a beautiful alert to everyone that the way you behave can have unknown profound impacts on others. I am so glad you were able to share this with her, I am sure it meant a lot reading that one way she lives on is through the meaningful influence she inspired.
Wonderful, Jeanne! Thank you for sharing!!!
Writing your letter and letting Mary-K know what a difference she made in your life would be such a meaningful gift for her ~ immeasurable really. Carrying her with you all these years and now even a bit more as she has awakened her gift in you and now with all of us.
I was nineteen when my twenty-four year old brother was taken in a tragic auto accident. The immediate darkness and disbelief was truly life altering but not as much as the realization that it would be a death to him if I lived in such sadness. To honour his life, I would live mine fuller than full and embrace each day for each one he couldn’t. I think that often when I hear of someone leaving too soon … I have breath and I have a gift of this whole day in front of me.
Thank you for sharing, Jeanne 💛
Take care xx
Thank for you for sharing your authenticity and truth. Feels relevant in the right now.
Bless you for sharing this much needed message❤️
Thank you for this. I’m soooo hesitant to start the many projects/ideas in my mind & heart. But my Head gets in my way. I am getting messages everywhere to jump in.
Oh, Jeanne! The timing of this is so surreal! I woke up to a life I never imagined -a life without my husband. His choices have hurt me deeply, but now I have my choices before me. My dreams of living off of my art are speaking so loudly I can’t ignore them anymore! It will be hard, but it will be real, authentic, fulfilling, and completely me. Thank you so very much for sharing. 🩷
Jeanne, your honesty in that letter to your friend at such a tragic time in her life was a beautiful thing to do. The comments above are a tribute to you and to your thoughtfulness. You often encourage and inspire me with the subjects you touch upon. A well written note with a heartfelt message is a true gift. Thank you so much..
Thank you for sharing ‘Mary K’s’ and your story–it is powerful, and very much appreciated. I do find it hard, at times, but have learned the importance, of standing up for what I believe in. It was not this way when I was in high school–being as shy as I was. But I have grown–and have learned how to deal with my ‘introverted’ ways–which is a great personality trait –and very proud to admit I am. So, standing up for what you believe in not only makes a difference for yourself, but also makes a difference for others, as well. Remember, you’re not alone.
Such a beautiful and important message, especially at this time in history. Stand up. Be not afraid. Be alive at this moment. Your words and actions can have such a great effect on the world.
God bless you.
Your message is profound and soul-stirring. I get the feeling that you are talking about far more than courage in art making, although that in itself is worthy enough. Still, this message seems to be coming from a much deeper place. Thank you, Jeanne Oliver. I needed this as I am so troubled by what I’m seeing in our country and world. Your words are the truth I needed to be reminded of, right here, right now.
Standing next to you to do the hard and remarkable things in life. Let’s all live whole-heartedly. Spirit filled. Eyes focused. Thank you for your words of motivation.
Poignant, brave and true. Thank you for reminding us to breathe our spirit into life.
Yes, Jeanne. Something has been stirring in me and what you wrote is further confirmation. I believe it’s the Holy Spirit moving. Thank you so much for sharing this and encouraging us. This speaks so much beauty and truth into my like and I’m sure many others.
Thank you for sharing.
Having and using our voices is more important than ever. This beautiful planet we call home is struggling right now, and needs us to speak up and take a stand more than ever. I think we all have a little of Mary K in us, but it’s hard to be that brave abd be your true self openly.
Again, thank you for sharing.
I so love this Jeanne! Wow! This hit me to my core! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much Jeanne. I feel so blessed to know and appreciate you and your authenticity. You are an amazing person and have helped me to learn to see the beauty and opportunity to learn in every aspect of our lives.
Moving and powerful Jeanne! You have an amazing ability to connect with others, express yourself with deep emotion, and allow those of us less brave to participate in living at a deeper level. I lost my courage and strength long ago. I’m finally in a place to become “me” again. Free from the trauma! Thank you for sharing this story Jeanne!
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Wow Jeanne, such powerful words.
Wow Jeanne! If that doesn’t shake anyone into change, then nothing will. Thank you for sharing.
Beautifully written Jeanne, still poignant even for those of us in retirement. I want to walk a Camino in Spain and am somewhat terrified to do it on my own. But after reading this I’m going to because, well, I can !!
Thank you for these words Jeanne – I was in a moment such as this just a week ago. I had an opportunity to have a spot at the cutest new place in town that holds occasional sales. After I committed and said yes that old gnawing feeling of doubt started creeping in – what if my goods aren’t “good enough”, what if my space pales in comparison to the others….I’m so glad that I got past the pit in my stomach and threw caution to the wind. There were so many laughs and new found friends while setting up our spaces (and I love my area). I’ll be retiring from my baking job at the end of the year and am looking forward to what my future holds ~ the best is yet to come! 🙂
wow. aho. thank you sisterspirit
Thank you. I needed this.
The cadence of this message permeates through my whole being! Thank you for lending the strength of Mary-K’s, MLK’s, and your own to hold us up!
Thank you. From the bottom of my heart…💖🙏🏼💖
You’ve brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for being my messenger today to tell me exactly what I needed to hear. In reading the above comments, I am not alone. Thank you for your inspiring and moving share.
I don’t always read all the way through things. I skim along and yeah; I have got it. This grabbed me by the heart and head and said look! read! comprehend! I deal with presenting my authentic self all the time and I am way past 38. This is very enlightening. Definitely something to ponder and journal about.
Beautiful messages from both you and ml king. I think my life changed when I had my boys. My 3 sons are 29 one of which needs 24/7 care and I am it. I was so different before my son was diagnosed. Now? I fight every day for his dignity. Anywhere we go – there are laughs comments stares etc. my son is non verbal and doesn’t understand spoken words. I try to have him understand via picture but most says he can’t even focus due to his pain. When ppl make fun of him when they see his thumb in his mouth – at 29 – it makes me feel safe knowing he is having a no pain moment in time. He has active strep in his brain – misdiagnosed for over 25 years and now his brain is beyond any sort of treatment. I never know if today is the last day with him.long ago I would think – I’m so tired I can’t go on another day with his care… after many years – the tables have turned and I can’t live without him. Most Recently I lost my last brother and my mom – one month apart…. I’m left here and it doesn’t feel good losing your original family all at once. I am trying to get thru the grief of my mom and my brother so I can stay strong for my son. He has taught me to persevere no matter what. When I see him suffer and continue on…. I continue. He is my reason for everything- how I live- how I love – how I cry. He is my reason for living. My son is my hero. He has a gift – he can measure peoples hearts. It is amazing. He can tell if someone is full of love or hate. Thought I’d share why I fight.
You continue to amaze, impress and encourage me.
You continue to amaze, impress and encourage me.
Thank you, Jeanne, for this incredibly trusting and beautiful sharing of experience and personal revelation. I also thank all the people who wrote their comments to share their understanding and personal experiences.
In my mid-sixties, I returned to my Catholic faith, not easy after over 45 years (and a lifetime) away. I came back fully committed to following the tenants of the faith. Again, not easy. I ended up with more peace of mind, heart and spirit than I ever anticipated. I now have a far better understanding and consideration of the life trials and triumphs of others.
I know how hard it is to lose family and friends (who also may be “family”). When I am a bit uncertain if I should speak out simply and truthfully, I recall the words of my patron saint, Saint Catherine of Sienna (1347-1380 AD): “Proclaim the truth and do not be silent through fear.” This tiny-in-stature lady, illiterate, and charismatic negotiated peace treaties among the warring Italian city-states and brought the Pope back to Rome, literally saving the Papacy at that time.
Each of you ladies is a heroine in her own right—you just may not always realize it at first.
Lovely message! Brought tears to my eyes. I lost my friend Melissa last year whom I’d met when we were 12 years old. She was bold and funny. Cancer hit unexpectedly and quickly took her life. We’d met a couple of times over the years, so we weren’t extremely close, but her death changed me. I’ve got a good life but I’m not exactly where I want to be, but losing her propelled me to make changes. I’m getting there and many times I remind myself of the same message you do. I, say ‘Melissa would give anything to still show up. I still get to.’ Thanks for sharing.
Beautiful words and inspiration!
Jeanne,
How do you bridge the gab between the you that shows up and lives a big beautiful life, and the part of you that wants to hide and stay small for fear of failure and censure and not fitting in? HOW DO YOU DO IT?!
Beautiful! Very moving. Thank you for that affirmation.