On Friday I went in for a routine yearly check up.
During my breast exam the doctor said she found two lumps.
One in each breast.
It is amazing how the mind can go to so many scary places so quickly.
Within seconds I had this imagine in my mind of what cancer looks like.
What it would look like on me.
I don't know about you guys but within seconds I had myself bald, with a bandanna..doing the Avon three day walk….seriously….what is wrong with me?
They wanted me to get a mammogram and ultrasound within the next week or so and get it checked out.
OK…obviously she had never met me before.
Within the next two weeks?
I don't think so.
I kindly explained that I would not be able to handle a two week wait to get the lumps checked out.
They checked if I could get in that day and it was not possible.
The nurse told me to go down the hall myself and see if I could get in.
I first stopped in the bathroom to pull my self together a little.
I still had tears in my eyes when I asked…or kindly begged 🙂 to be seen that day.
They looked again and told me that there truly no openings that day.
The earliest they could get me in was 9:30 on Monday morning.
I made it to the car, closed the door….and cried.
I don't know when I got to this age.
This age when parents die.
Friends get sick with cancer.
Couples get divorced.
Friends lose their baby.
This age…when I go in for a routine exam and they find something that doesn't feel right.
Am I THAT age?
This day was just another reminder that the older we get the more REAL life gets.
My friend that has lost a father said it the best…we lose our innocence.
So I drove home.
Home to a husband and three children.
I had such an anxious heart.
I didn't tell almost anyone.
I did walk next door to my friend and neighbor's home.
My friend's sister (who is also my friend) was there…and they knew by looking at me that something was wrong. Do you know what they did? They instantly took my hands and prayed for me.
They knew how scary this was.
I hope you have friends that will pray with and for you.
That prayer did wonders for me and I truly had such a peace for the rest of the weekend.
I had moments when I would begin to be fearful.
I would be anxious.
I would be scared.
For the most part I tried to stay positive.
As I was going through the newspaper this weekend there was a quote….
"It is easy to be brave from a safe distance." Aesop
Isn't this true!! It is a lot easier when I am praying for someone else and listening to their pain.
Kelly left early Sunday morning for a week long trip to DC.
Last night I was alone with the children and I began to worry again.
Here I was the night before my exam and I hadn't even lined up anyone to watch the children.
I truly didn't want to tell anyone.
I finally caved and called a friend that not only said she would take the children…she prayed with me…and she then prayed with her husband after we got off the phone.
I have to tell you that this morning I knew that so many people were praying for me because I had such a peace.
The only time I was nervous was after the mammogram tech did the first exam because she was so hard to read.
I then had to go to the waiting room and wait for the ultrasound.
As I looked around the room I not only realized how young I was compared to so many others….
I also realized that they all probably had anxious hearts too.
All hoping for the best. All uncertain what the tests would hold.
I have a family history of cysts in the breast.
I was hoping that this would be the worst.
Hoping that was what the doctor felt.
They then called me back for the ultrasound.
After the first breast the tech told me that everything was fine in the first breast.
She told me my mammogram was clear too.
I asked if she only meant for the first breast…and she said no…both breasts looked good.
No cancer…not even a cyst!
Tears starting streaming down my face.
Me…breasts open to the world, woman still doing the ultrasound and me crying.
Tears of pure joy!
She told me that I had wonderful fatty breasts…perfect for seeing cancer and anything else going on.
I told her that I knew a little fat would help me out someday!!!
There was also an extra tech in the room and she needed to practice so they did a little more work on me for her "education".
I told her that this was the most action my breasts had seen in a long time!!
So…my anxious heart.
Tonight I am so grateful that my tests came back that I am fine.
I am also reminded that this body is a gift.
Respect it. Take care of it.
What I also know is that possibly one of the ladies I sat with in the waiting room is crying tonight because tomorrow a whole new world opens to her that she never wanted.
I will pray for her and I hope you will too!
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