Be Choosy

Friendship

I don't know about most of you girls out there…but I need my girlfriends.

I need talks over coffee.

Laughter in the dressing rooms.

Whispering during the movies.

Crying over nothing and everything.

Friendship1

I have had friendships that I wish I would have fought harder to keep.

Friendships that were toxic and I needed to let go.

I have had friendships where I was the one always doing the "work", planning and calling.

I have had the friendships where I dropped the ball and they were hurt because they thought I didn't care.

In college I had a million friends.

I knew people wherever I went.

Friendship2

As I have gotten older, married, children, business……I have had to be more intentional.

I have been more intentional to make sure that the friends I spend time with are the kinds of women that make me think, bring joy, have faith, encourage, laugh, love, cry….women with heart.

DEPTH!

I am getting to an age where I don't have time for relationships that are not real…and I know you all know what I am talking about.

I want to be genuine…and I want friends that want the same thing.

Friendship3

I have had friendships that were exactly what I needed at the time and then we slowly drifted away.

I have had friendships that have broken my heart when they ended.

I have had friendships that lasted too long and I should have walked away long ago.

The women in my life are PRECIOUS.

I cherish my time with them…but I have become choosy.

As women I think we are one of the most amazing forces in the world…honestly…FORCES.

I also think we can be so competitive, cruel, jealous and hateful.

Who do you surround yourself with?

It REALLY matters!!!!

Do you surround yourself with women that want you to succeed?

Do they make fun of you?

Do they support and encourage?

Do they bully and mock?

Do they speak truth and beauty? 

Do they cheer you on
or tear you down?

We are powerful.

Our actions our powerful!

Our words can heal or cripple!

What kind of friends do you surround yourself with?

Should you be more choosy?

What kind of friend are you?

**************

All photography can be found here.


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Comments

  1. Jenni

    So thought provoking! I have relationships that mirror the sentiment to pen such a post and loved the heart felt through your words. I am challenged by your words and grateful!

  2. Theresa

    This post speaks to me I know exactly what you are referring too. I call my best friend my soul mate. We are so alike it is scary sometimes. I have been following your blog for some time. I forget exactly where I came across it but I believe you are fabulous πŸ™‚

  3. Allison

    I really love and appreciate this post. I’m in a time of transition that is causing a certain re-evaluation of the people in my life and who I’m seeking to surround myself with.

  4. Becky G.

    What a sweet post! I have read that some friends come into our life for a minute, to fill a need we have for that specific moment in time. We have friends that are in our lives for a season, because there is something we can learn from them, or maybe they need to learn something from us. And then there are the friends who are there for a lifetime, because that is the way God intended, and those are our truest friends. Blessings! Becky

  5. lissa

    i feel truly blessed to be chosen as your friend! God gave me such a special gift with you girls. I know I say this all the time! You’re a treasure to me. You are a true soul and I love you so much! I hope I get a chance to call you next week to wish you a very happy thanksgiving! You are such a wonderful gift in such a very hard year!

  6. tammi

    Wow this is exactly how I have been feeling lately. I only want to surround myself with people that make me happy.I want my friendships to be meaningful. Thank you for putting your feelings into words because it helped me put mine into perspective.

  7. Jen@thecottagenest

    Jeanne- You can’t have any idea how I needed this post right now. I feel like you just gave me permission to feel the way I’m feeling and to do what I need to protect my heart. And maybe to let it go. Thank you.

  8. the wild raspberry

    what a beautiful and inspiring post…one i could come back to again and again. i am blessed with a handful of really great friends. friends that will be there through the thick and thin.
    who cares about being “popular” anymore~ let’s just get a few close friends and hold them close.
    thanks ~
    chas

  9. Lori

    Jeanne, what a great post…i choose for my friends girls who are real…and who realize we are far past our high school days…i work in a hospital where most of the staff are women, and i am always amazed by the attitudes and actions of some of these “ladies”…there is a lot of immaturity out there…it makes me nuts…

  10. Destiny (The Ruffled Nest)

    How perfect is this…so honest and true. I am returning to “The Barn” today and have been pondering all the “drama” that I’ve witnessed there in the past. I am going back with an open mind and will be “choosy” with who I call friend. It’s so hard to trust people these days and what you said about women being jealous and often hateful and hurtful is SO true. I’ve seen it more often than I should have. Thanks for writing what we are ALL thinking from time to time. I LOVE your honesty : )

  11. Martha

    Just beautiful Jeanne…those words are so true…friendships are very important. I hear all the time to “Be Intentional” and as a side note I love your artwork that says exactly that…”Be intentional”…even though I just know you from your blog and ordering from you…you are a wonderful person and love your outlook:) Have a great Thanksgiving:)

  12. Maisy

    Jeanne~
    This seems to be a theme lately. I feel like as women we come to a crossroad where we have to make decisions that are best for us. The popularity contest is over. It really just doesn’t matter anymore. Sometimes reality hurts…bad. That is where our growth comes from. However, reality is also so sweet. It allows us to truly cherish the wonderful women we do have in our lives. That is when we realize that having a few amazing friends is all we really need or want. I am so blessed and lucky to call you my friend. I will call you this week to check in. I need me some Jeanne time!!!
    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
    ps. thanks for a great post. You said what I was feeling with such grace and clarity….THANK YOU!!!

  13. Queen Bee

    Wow…have you been reading my mind? Friends are like gardens…your start with a good soil and pick the seeds you want to grow there…nuture, care and feed them…and sometimes what we thought were flowers are weeds…taking over all of the lovely things that grow there…and in the spirit of what you said..it’s okay to weed our gardens…

  14. mary

    it’s funny…i don’t know why…but i have long felt this way; at least since my college years. and in fact, some people used to say that i was too picky or too judgemental or some such thing. but i have always believed that my time and energies are valuable, and should only be spent wisely…i prefer being alone to being involved in superficial or immature relationships. and the thing is – i really do like people and i’m always described by others as a “people person”…it’s just that i reserve my time for people who are genuine and honest and have depth…

  15. melody ross

    I love this so much and have been feeling exactly the same way lately, though I didn’t even realize that this was what was happening….you have given me more validation and permission to feel this way…..it’s just so important to “be choosy” isn’t it? Either we fill our lives with the things that are best for us….or life fills us overflowing with things that cause stress, steal joy and waste our precious time……..
    Let me tell you…..I am SO THANKFUL to have had the gift of spending that glorious week with you……I would “choose” you any day and you are such a gift….
    xoxoxo
    melody

  16. Rebekah

    Perfectly said. I related so much to what you wrote. I have had my heart broken more than once by friendships and it has made me very wary of getting too close to people. I wish/hope that as time goes on that I will change and have wonderful close friendships that are so important!

  17. Oh Jeanne ~ you nailed this! I completely agree with everything you said. There are true friends and there are acquaintances. I surround myself with people that know me, the real me and like me anyway. Girlfriends that just know by a look or a tone how I am feeling ~ when I need to talk or just be. I believe that as we get older, we come to this realization. Toxic and one sided friendships, well I just don’t have time for them. They are relationships that you should not need to work at or coddle ~ put on your big girl panties and give something back already! I love this post.

  18. Tricia Whisler

    Jeanne, this post was amazing! Like Queen Bee said, it’s time to weed the garden. I have been needing to do this for a long time. It’s also time to plant some new seeds! I hope you are having a fabulous weekend!

  19. DreamGirlLisa

    What a great post! I agree with you on all of it. As we get older, there is just not time for friendships that take away more from us than they give. If all women stood together instead of working against each other, we could rule this world!! πŸ™‚

  20. Leah C

    Such true words…beautifully put:) I agree, we need to be choosy, and then we need to treat our friendships with lots of TLC:)

  21. Jackie

    So many of the same thoughts that have been in my mind and heart lately. I’m afraid, though that I’m not always a very good friend. I would like to be a better friend and to have good, real friends who I can be honest with and vice versa. I do need to be intentional about who I surround myself with and find more supportive people – I think if it can all come from a place of intention, then it will work out! Hopefully!

  22. Rachel

    Beautiful post. πŸ™‚ I agree with you 100%. I’m very choosy when it comes to those that I trust enough to bear my soul to. I have a handful of close girlfriends…these are girls that I know would drop everything to be there in a second if I needed them. They pray for me and with me. They are real and genuine…I cherish them. Thanks for sharing! πŸ™‚
    Smiles,
    Rachel

  23. Suzen

    I have been so lonely and just recently I made the most wonderful new friend. She is beautiful and kind and gracious, thoughtful and generous. Someone like her is a treasure. When we have lovely women friends, you are right, Jeanne, we are powerful! We rock! What a lovely post; your beauty shines through… πŸ™‚

  24. meg duerksen

    this past year i have felt so strongly about this. being intentional with my heart…my time…my feelings. you are absolutely right.
    and because of this change in my heart i see some of those old “friends” and you just know immediately. you know that it’s not worth your heart anymore.
    hey girl…i hope i can be on the list. πŸ™‚

  25. Debra

    Your post really spoke to me today. I haven’t had any close friends for some time now ( divorced moved) and I am really at a loss as to how to find new ones especially as I am in my fifties and most people are not looking for new friendships at that age. It’s a very lonely feeling even though I have a great husband. Thanks for letting me vent!

  26. Cathy

    I didn’t realize the wonderfulness of my many dear, deep friends until a new friend pulled a junior-high stunt. Ouch! I realized how blessed I am — God has helped me “weed” my garden all these years! We can have many lovely acquaintances but I let God plant my garden of true friends, and He keeps adding so many beautiful friends I’m in awe! πŸ™‚

  27. Lara Blair

    I’ve been thinking about this a lot myself…someone sweet sent me this from the Daily Om and I think it is dead-on:
    “Once we make the decision to pursue our inner urgings, the universe sets into motion the means for all sorts of details to fall into place. A sense of peace will come over us, because we know that any questions will no longer make us wonder if our dreams are possible, but how to make them happen. Instead of deterring us from our goal, these questions only serve to clarify our focus to move us forward. We need not throw caution to the wind to follow our dream. The positive shift in our energy affects everything around us. Like a rush of water, it goes ahead to clear debris from our path so that we can go forward. Our new attitude also attracts likeminded people. Sometimes even the most unlikely angels arrive to help us along our way with the information and support we need.”
    You’re a blog-angel in my world πŸ™‚
    Blessings this holiday, jeanne!
    ox
    Lara

  28. Heather

    I love this post. It’s so thought provoking! At a time when I am taking a moment to identify my all the things I am thankful for in my life, real, true, supportive, comforting, understanding friendships are definitely on the list. Thanks for the great post!

  29. Becky

    Wow! What a great post! And yes I know exactly what you mean on all levels!! I am definitely becoming more choosy, too, and it makes all the difference in the world!!
    You said all of this so beautifully! Thank you for that!
    HUGS,
    Becky

  30. Kristy

    So wonderfully written. Really made me think what kind of friend that I am and what kind of friends I have. I have great women in my life. I am so happy to call them friends.
    Thank you for this post.
    xo

  31. jess

    yes! what a thoughtful post!!!! looks like a few can relate!!! life is too short to be caught up in friendship drama…..i try to surround myself with friends who fill my soul. i am hard on myself already…i don’t need friends who are. thanks for the wonderful post!

  32. Tara

    oh honey, you said it straight from the heart. I said to my mom the other day, I don’t have friends that do things I do, I have friends for dinner, friends for parties, friends for season or at the time filling a need, but I don’t have friends that live by me that have the same passion, the same inspiration….they are not like minded…however, I need opposites in my life, but I have gotten good at weeding out the ones I was wasting my time with.I take friendships very seriously, I have been hurt numerous times and I think as I get older I am wiser with who I give everything too, so therefore I have a lot of “friends” but dear friends, only a handful and I am A-ok with that! thank you for being so real and honest, it is refreshing and I am inspired by you daily! Happy Thanksgiving Jeanne!! much love, Tara

  33. paige

    couldn’t have said it any better!
    so true my friend
    i have a precious friend from highschool & we may go months without talking but as soon as we do, i’m taken right back to those days. we have a priceless relationship that i treasure & will guard carefully
    funny…i thought of her this morning & wanted to post about her
    have a fabulous thanksgiving
    xo

  34. LuLu

    depth! yep you said it perfectly I love friendships that have depth, true caring about each others thoughts, families, talks. Your post was beautiful, it had me thinking and realizing more that i can do to form stronger friendships.
    xo,
    LuLu

  35. The Vintage Rabbit

    What an awesome post!!! It is so true!!!
    I won’t get into details….but I feel the same way…. Thanks for speaking up and chatting about this!!!
    We have never met…but I do enjoy your blog when I have time to visit!!
    Enjoy your Thanksgiving!!!
    Smiles, Joy~

  36. Nancy

    I feel like you and I have worn the same shoes! I feel like there are a few precioous people who have survuved the riggors of time with me, and I treasure them dearly! I also look forward to meeting new friends, and hope some day to meet you, go to Silver Bella, or Brave Girls Camp and have people who i can sprinkle glitter all over the table with πŸ™‚
    So to the old one, the new ones, and all the things from all people who come into our lives, no matter how short or long the time, but leave us with memories!
    Smiles, Nancy

  37. gabrielle

    My goodness girl, this is right on the money! Especially about the time part… At this point in my life, who needs shallow friends? Matter of fact, I think from here on out…. Friends lacking in depth are just a part of my past. xo

  38. Kimberly

    I am choosy too and I love every word you wrote in this post. You said it perfectly!!! I am so aware the older that I get of how important it is to spend my time wisely, I guess we start to realize that it will indeed come to an end someday. I am so grateful for the ability to be discerning about how and with who I spend my time. Thanks for being so REAL!!!

  39. susan

    i too agree with so much of what you said. i have a couple of friends that i’ve had almost my entire life and when i need someone i can count on, no matter what, they are there. i feel lucky & very blessed. i have others that are friends through my children and those continue to grow and i get closer to them all the time. then there are my blogging, artistic, crafty friends who really get that part of me. i can’t believe how many women i’ve been blessed to meet through etsy and blogging who i truly feel are my friends and i hope someday i’ll get to meet some of them! thank you for such a thoughtful post. we indeed have the ability to make each other better and raise each other up. hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family. Susan

  40. Chelsea

    Great post! It made me think, what do I have to offer as a friend rather than expect offerings from others. Latley I have been feeling like I need a new friend, the ones I have just are not genuine enough, and never have time to listen to me, yet I am always there for them. Maybe I need to change that attitude? I dont know?

  41. Laurel@Simply Bay's Place

    Did you crawl in my head and read my mind?Did you?
    You speak my thoughts sometimes πŸ˜‰
    I have been having a hard time lately because I don’t have the girl friends I used to. But you’ve help remind myself that there’s a reason.
    And you’ve spelled it out to me.
    I do need to continue to be intentional but I’m also glad to have my “real” friends. They may be few and far between but they are real.
    And I don’t want to be anything but a “real” friend.
    Thanks Jeanne.

  42. Rebecca Ragan

    Happy Thanksgiving Eve, Jeanne! Thank you for sharing your thoughts on female friendship. Bryant and I were at breakfast Sunday after church and one of our pastors joined us for a little while and I had this EXACT conversation with him. It is hard to find quality friendships in Aspen because it is such a transient town. I praise the Lord for the close women I do have in my life, but many of them live back home in Washington, and I long for them…
    Thank you for sharing this blog.
    All the best to you this Thanksgiving!
    Becca

  43. jeanne,
    i just found a link to this beautiful post on martha’s blog. first of all, i think there must be something in the air, because i wrote a post about friendship the very same day. perhaps the gratefulness this time evokes in all of us??
    as a brand new blogger i appreciate the fact that great connections can be made with like-minded women in this almost surreal world. but there is no greater gift than the unconditional love and support we get from a kindred spirit… a true friend. thank you for sharing this, it tugged on my heartstrings.
    all my best…
    christina
    sage creek

  44. Roban

    This post speaks more to me than you can imagine. It’s true that we need to build relationships that are meaningful and that boost us all up.

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