Family First {The Talk}

Our oldest son is 10 and we had not had “the talk” with him yet.

I had been encouraging Kelly to talk with him while they were alone and he kept telling me the timing hadn’t been right.

Feeling like he really needed to be told before someone else did I tried talking to him while we were alone in the kitchen……

Me: (trying to be cool and nonchalant) Jack, I was wondering if you had any questions about your body or how things are changing.

Jack: Do you mean when I get hair under my arm pits and my voice changes someday.

Me: Well…not exactly.

Jack: MOM…are you talking about privates!  What is up with you and dad talking about privates so much this week?

Me: What do you mean? Your dad talked to you this week?

Jack: Yes, we were heading up to the mountains and dad told me how babies are made.

Me: Oh.  Really?  Hmmmm….he forgot to tell me that you talked.

Me: Well, do you have any questions?

Jack: Yeah….gross!

Me: (trying not to laugh) Do you have any questions though?

Jack: So where do you go to do that?

Me: What do you mean?

Jack: Do you go to a hospital or something?

Me: No, you can do that anywhere.

Jack: What?  Like in the HOUSE??  (he is now looking horrified)  Why would people even do that?

(This led to a long talk about how “yes” you can make a baby even if you aren’t married etc.  blahhh, blahhh, blahhh…pretty much me in hell…he also had told me that before dad talked to him he thought the “stuff” floated through the air or something and went into the woman)

Me: People do that to make a baby and that is one way that people, when they are married, show they love each other.

Jack: If you really love someone why would you do THAT?  Why wouldn’t you just give them a Valentines???


Moral of the story…we pretty much stink at this and we still have two kids to go.

Secondly,  I now will never look at Valentines the same way again!

{sorry for no photos…but seriously…nothing was appropriate for this one}

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  1. Shanon

    And by the way, and this could be totally me, I can’t seem to grab your button, has anyone else had this problem?

  2. kadee

    Jeanne… this brings up the hilarious episode of Modern Family (last Wednesday) which dealt with this whole subject. If you get a chance you have got to see it. The kid’s reactions are so true and sooo funny! I won’t spoil it for anyone by saying anything else! BTW, I love your new blog.. another job well done!

  3. amy

    soooo funny! At least you know for sure you got to him before the other kids and their wacko renditions of the truth. Now he will trust that you will give him the right answers. It isn’t fun, but it has to be done. I’m not looking forward to it with my little ones.
    Good Job Mama 🙂

  4. deborah@applesinwonderland

    yes, that’s how babies are made. just wait until he figures out that you’ve gone done that 3 times. or that, sometimes you do it for fun;) i love 10 year old boys. never had an official *talk* just many many many, and in the kid’s opinion–too many discussions about private parts, respect, babies, cleanliness, etc. our 10 year old just finished the school’s version of *human reproduction* so i asked, “how was it? do you have more questions?” my guy’s answer? “it was disgusting and horrifying. let’s talk about something else.”

  5. Mel

    I am dying!… I can see your face now! and I will never look at a dust particle the same again either. gross.

  6. adrienne

    that gave me a great laugh this morning!! loving that valentine comment…. so funny :)))

  7. elisa

    Our boy is ten too…..they grow so quickly and make us do things that feel so uncomfortable. Your son has two great parents who are on the same page. Have a blessed day…..I know I will, I don’t have the “C” word. My biopsy came back OK. Life is just a bit sweeter today:)

  8. Courtney

    I’ve decided that we must betrothe Jack to Sophia. Because her reaction was much the same (though I got a drawing from her. I think I’m going to scrapbook it. hahahah)

    This is hilarious.

  9. Rose D., Frenchtown, NJ

    I absolutely loved when Jack says…”Why wouldn’t you just give them a Valentine?” How precious our children are!!

  10. LuLu

    we suck at the talk too! My oldest daughter was mortified a few years ago, it was hilarious and now we are about to have the talk with our 10 yr old.

  11. Suzen

    Hey Jeanne, Just so you know…if your 10 year old was grossed out, you clearly do NOT “stink” at this. That IS the appropriate response for this age group. Too bad it doesn’t stay that way until they are about 25! LOL

  12. Lisa Johnson

    This is so funny. Reminds me of when I had the talk with my son who is now 15. His reaction to my telling him where babies came from was, “Thanks a lot Mom, now I’m going to have nightmares.” “I guess I’ll just marry someone who already has kids.”

  13. Melissa

    I can’t get the image out of my head of ‘valentines’ floating through the air ~ this maybe a theme for 2011!

  14. Lolo

    Oh man….I just wanna tell you that it doesnt get any easier. I will tell you that my SIL gave the talk to my 2 nephews and she gave waaaay TMI. She told all of us (adults) the story and our jaws dropped….Lets just say it involved oral sex, previous partners(!) and wanting to know when she knows that “dad” wants to have sex. Holy crap. My birds and bees talk didnt involve ANYTHING remotely close to that. The one talk that is harder than sex is the “long shower talk”. I dont think you lil man is there yet – just wait til the water bill goes up 🙂

    And I just wanna say that all men think alike…..just give her a valentines! Too funny – and soooo a man 😉

  15. Ginger

    You had the talk, that’s what’s important… I don’t think that any of those ever go smoothly. He knows he can come to you with questions and that’s also what’s important. It would have been funny to see his horrified face, but I suppose inappropriate to snap a picture right then. 🙂

  16. Destiny

    I am LAUGHING right now at the thought of even having to have THAT conversation! And a big thank you for not posting photos LOL!

  17. meg duerksen

    no one is good at that i am sure!
    how could they be?
    all kids are grossed out beyond belief and all parents are awkward.
    at least you did it.
    big sigh of relief.
    the next time will be soooo much easier.

  18. Alli

    My son pretty much reacted the same way – he absolutely could not believe that my husband and I had done that – TWICE! (we have two children). I laughed and laughed!

  19. Melissa

    Oh my goodness that is hilarious and super cute all at once. Kudos to you for being a great parent and having the talk.

  20. Laurie

    That is so funny! I love his response about just giving a valentine!
    So cute… good job… I’m glad we’re through that at our house 🙂

  21. kristin ;0) the poor little thing…ugh…growing up seriously sucks!! LOL!! i agree with him, why not just send a valentines!!

  22. pam

    Too Funny. My son just turned three and I am always saying to my husband “I don’t know how to do (whatever) with a boy. I grew up w/ a sister and my dad worked all the time. Potty training is all yours, I’m not sure how to teach a BOY that one :-). So I dread already when I have to have my version of the converstaion you just had….I’m sure my son will find it funny and be grossed out at the same time…Ahhh the joys of being a parent. Good job!

  23. Lori

    You are right ~ no pictures would do this post justice but I laughed out loud. The girl talk should be easier if that is any consolation! This is priceless Jeanne ~ thanks for sharing.

  24. Becky

    first off can i just say your new site is GOR-GEOUS! Seriously girl…it’s beautiful.

    i’m sure he’ll be just fine. it’s tramatic for any kid. when i told big chick about her period and all the other gory details she looked me in the eye and said ewwwww!

  25. Lara


    I laughed out loud. I’ll be sending you a “special Valentine” this year! haha!

  26. Amy

    Oh Jeanne, I love this! I think my favorite part of your story is your son asking if you have to “go to the hospital” to do it.

    I feel for you. I just had “the talk” with my almost 10 year old daughter, and for the next hour straight, I heard about how “disgusting” it was. Praying she’ll feel that way for a looooooooong time and stay out of trouble! 🙂


  27. Leah C

    Oh whew…at least it’s over, right? Nah, probably not:) Giving “the talk” is so hard…but can make for a really amusing post! My oldest daughter told her younger sister “Mom uses a really funny voice when she gives you the talk”?! What’s that supposed to mean? I think having kids should come with a manual:)

  28. julie

    This post made my day!!!! I’m getting closer and closer to that convo with my almost 10 year old daughter…..going thru a book about bodily changes…..I thought I was way behind with having the “real” talk, this makes me feel so much better. Thanks for sharing such a sweet/awkward part of life with the rest of us:) Love the new blog look!

  29. Carmen @ Life with Sprinkles on Top

    Ahhhh the joys of parenting. I haven’t had the “official talk” with my 10 year old daughter and my 7 year old son but I remember having the talk awhile back with my now 17 year old daughter. She had actually heard things at school (she was 6) and asked me about them. It happened to be correct so I just confirmed it for her. And she said the same thing…”GROSS!” I also happened to be pregnant at the time with her little sister. That grossed her out even more now that she knew how I’d gotten pregnant. Then she wanted to know how the baby was going to get out. I told her and she sat there for a few minutes with a horrified look on her face and then blurted out “doesn’t that HURT??!!” Ummm. Yes, it does. Ha!

  30. Tricia

    Oh boy…I feel your pain. My son is just about to turn ten and there has been no “talk” around here. I’m sure I will have to be the one to do it if I want to make sure he gets the right information…LOL.

  31. Susan Reaney

    Dear Jeanne,
    What a hilarious story! You write about it so beautifully, Jeanne. You are the Erma Bombeck of your generation (I am older :-))
    I loved the painting you did. I have been doing the Soul Restoration and always think about you when I hear about Big Girl Camp. That looks like something that would be inspired by BGC!

    Love the look of your new blog…so calm and so beautiful!


  32. Andrea

    Oh this is so funny Jeanne!!!! I love that he thought it happened in the hospital. Oh, if they could just stay innocent forever! I am really not looking forward to the talks with my kids……!
    Xo Andrea

  33. Jenn

    Love your new blog!! and this story… priceless!! Love to hear how the story went down with others!! 😉 Two years ago at age 8 my little girl found some inappropriate writing on the school bathroom walls … that mentioned some uh… wrong things about that three letter word…and so she asked me what it really was… and I really told her…after she got over the EWWWWW… shock… she said so “when you and daddy wanted to have me?” … I said… yep… at that point she said… “so when you and daddy wanted to have Sammy?” … I said… yep… and she said … Eeeeeeeeeeeeew… again… SO… I figured telling her about her period and how God designed a man and a woman to have babies was enough for one day… she pretty much thinks it has only ever happened twice. LOL… Now that she is 10 I have some more explaining to do… I just want to freeze time now… ya know?!! I don’t even want to think about explaining this to my “baby”… my 8 year old son… but I realize the innocent age is disappearing… oh so fast… My little girl will be in middle school next year… how on earth did that happen??! yikes… the things she will learn there!! I am not ready for this!! =)

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