Proof of Life
Journal Entry No. 04
Welcome to the Proof of Life journal entry series.
Writing more in general, and specifically with you, is something I hope to continue throughout the year.
Like many of you, life has become clearer over the past year and there are many things I have dropped along the way that I deeply desire to pick back up. In turn, there are things I never want to pick up again.
From the very beginning, I have always felt like we are on this journey together and I can’t wait to hear what proof of life will come to mean to you.
Have you ever woken up and looked in the mirror and not recognized yourself?
Have you ever wondered what happened to…you?
Where did THAT girl go?
I had such an interesting conversation with a friend recently.
She is a stay at home mom with one child.
She is finding it hard to find herself again in the role of mother, wife, cook and housekeeper.
She was wondering if I have ever felt like that and if I had always honored the time to create.
I loved staying home with Jack from the moment he was born. I didn’t feel isolated or resent being home at all. I DID have a very hard time asking for time for myself.
I felt guilty about leaving him and even though I wanted time to myself on the weekends or evenings…I wasn’t one to ask for it like I should have. Not only did I not honor creating but I didn’t honor much when it came to just me.
I was always putting myself last.
At this time in my life the creativity was coming from hosting parties, decorating our home or scrapbooking (yes, scrapbooking).
Making our albums gave me the creative outlet that I longer for and I didn’t feel guilty because it was “for the family”. At least that is what I told myself. At the time that is how I justified asking for the time to create.
I am so thankful for those scrapbooks all those years ago. It was a slow and steady unraveling back to me in the simplest and sweetest ways. I don’t know if I would have made the time for creating in any other form without the belief at the time that I was doing something for the benefit of others. That put me on the most beautiful journey that led me to be honest with myself that I can create just for me. Once I resolved that in my head and heart I never scrapbooked again but started growing my creativity in new ways. What joy to discover that I don’t need to use anyone else as the excuse to honor my creativity. Poor Benjamin will probably never have his baby book finished but I hope growing up in a home where all forms of creativity have been honored will make up for it.
How does anyone else in our lives know how much we need something when we don’t ask for it?
Add another baby and then another or a million other beautiful parts of life and if we are not being honest with ourselves and others we can lose those other parts of how we have been creatively made.
We can get so caught up in the day to day that we forget so much about ourselves. We can make so many excuses. I did.
If I don’t honor the gifts the Lord has given me what am I saying to my children, husband, others and myself about not only my gifts…but THEIR GIFTS?
Giving myself time creating with scrapbooking and then the door that opened to everything you currently see in my life, art and business has literally CHANGED our life. It changed MY life. It changed how I see myself. See my gifts. See the things that growing up I thought made me feel different and sometimes weird. It has changed how I see my husband and children and how what they are cheered on to pursue. Seeing yourself clearly makes you the best cheerleader of others!
I don’t know what you could be not making time for right now but I know you do. Don’t push it aside. You have been given that gift from the One who made you. He doesn’t make mistakes and he doesn’t want you to hide the beauty that is you.
What are YOUR gifts? Are you honoring them with time? I want so much for you to look in the mirror and see someone who knows who she is and fights for her. I promise you that you will then also become a fighter for the gifts in others too.