Proof of Life
Journal Entry No. 06
Welcome to the Proof of Life journal entry series.
Writing more in general, and specifically with you, is something I hope to continue throughout the year.
Like many of you, life has become clearer over the past year and there are many things I have dropped along the way that I deeply desire to pick back up. In turn, there are things I never want to pick up again.
From the very beginning, I have always felt like we are on this journey together and I can’t wait to hear what proof of life will come to mean to you.
| My mom is the little blonde second from the left. One more was added to the family when my mom was in high school |
We have all had those experiences waiting for the memories to fade.
In fact, people will tell you that the memory will fade someday.
People will promise you that someday you won’t think about it every second of every day.
Who hasn’t had their heart broken or a dear friendship fade or lost someone dear to them?
I can remember feeling relief when I came to the place when a hardship didn’t cross my mind every day.
Then there are the memories you want to hold onto and you can see them slipping away.
No matter how hard you try to chase after them and keep them in the forefront…their memory fades too.
My Grandma Jeanne passed away thirteen years ago.
I was named after her and her creative gifts have inspired me since I was a little girl.
I have tried to incorporate some of her beautiful day to day details into our own home and life.
I am go grateful for those little daily reminders of her and how she made life lovely.
Other memories are starting to fade.
Memories I can’t put into action.
I have long since forgotten the details of her face without looking at a photo.
My memories of her play through my mind like a flickering movie.
Off and on. Off and on.
I will get a visual of a moment with her but it is only a glimpse.
I will remember being a little girl in her navy blue Mercedes with white leather interior.
Was it white or is my mind making things up?
I can remember the smell and remember what it felt like being there….but I don’t remember why or what the whole story was.
I am left with a lot of those.
Moments where I can’t find the whole story anymore.
And then I am afraid I will forget all together and they will be lost.
She played such a huge part in my creative dreams as a child.
She didn’t even mean to.
She didn’t talk to me about living a creative life.
She lived one.
She didn’t talk to me about music or art.
She had it playing throughout the house and hung it on the walls.
There are those memories that you want to let go of and hope they will fade into a distant memory.
Then there are the other memories that even though you long to hold onto them you know you can’t hold on forever.
I have already forgotten little details about my babies.
Some days I tell Kelly I would give almost anything to go back to holding each of our children when they were little.
When I feel like I am losing perspective and forgetting the details I go back to videos and photos.
They are my memory keepers now.
I do that with my Grandma Jeanne too.
I put in one of her CDs or look at photos from my childhood with her and then my memories starting flooding back in.
What are your memory keepers?
How do you keep beautiful memories alive?