I don’t usually write about my parent’s divorce.

Coming home does that to me.

Far away you don’t see the day to day pain.

You don’t see the details.

You don’t feel the details.

It is easier where I stand back in Colorado.

Far, far away from where the hurt is.  But I guess it can follow me there too.

One of my closest friends has said that a divorce (especially a divorce caused by an affair) is a death without a funeral.

Death without a funeral.

A marriage dies.

A family breaks apart.

No one outside the immediate family knows what to do.

If one of my parents had died there would have been calls, meals and offered help.

At least for a while.

A divorce leaves an awkward silence.

In noticing the awkward silence from friends and family I started to see other’s pain more clearly.

I started to think of my parent’s friends that had been divorced, friends with sick children or parents, friends dealing with disease, depression or financial problems.


It can be all around us but we don’t really see it.

Have you ever heard of something and you feel really bad for that person?

You promise to pray.

You mean to.

You really do.

You think about them for a few days and then life takes over and you forget.

No calls, no meals, no prayers, no outreach. At all.

On the other side of things I know my father thinks no one cares what he has done.

People put on their smiles to his face and then talk after he walks away.

He takes their silence as acceptance.

Their silence really means that they don’t know what to say.

They don’t approve.

They don’t give their acceptance.

They don’t know what to do so they do nothing.

What if we got past the awkward silence?

What if we reached out even when we don’t know what to say?

What if we didn’t put on a fake smile when things really aren’t ok?

What if we saw….really saw someone’s pain?

I am sorry to my friends and family when I missed your pain.

I promise you.

I have my eyes open and I don’t want to ever close them again.

{It has been a year since my mom found out about my father’s affair and they have been separated.  They still are going through divorce proceedings}