My Love Story {Part Two}

{while we were dating in 1998}

Around our twelve year anniversary I wrote this post about My Love Story {Part One}.

It tells of love almost at first site, a quick engagement and a marriage 8 months after we met.

It talked about complete peace on our wedding day.

I knew then that he was the one for me and I didn’t doubt that…but there is a part two that also needs to be told….and part three is already being written as we live our lives right now.

{Part Two}

Everyone had talked about the honeymoon period.

I had also heard people talk about how the “honeymoon period” had ended.

Well, I never thought we had a honeymoon period.

We had not known each other for too long and here we needed to figure out money, work, goals, how to disagree etc.

{I know many that had known each other for years and still had a hard time with all of this}

We also had to deal with a lot of unexpected family drama that truly took its toll on us.

I believe that the family drama was one of the hardest to work through.

We have worked through it now but I would never want to relive those days!

And when I say “we” have worked though it…I am saying that Kelly and I have worked through it even though the situation with others involved is not ideal.

Our year and a half was hard..truly hard.

There were many times that I thought we had made the biggest mistake.

Little differences would turn into huge fights with silence that would last days.

I didn’t know  you could feel so alone with someone else in your home.

I have never felt so much anger towards someone.

We would both say things that we would be embarrassed today for anyone to know.

We were selfish and we needed to grow up…but we were stuck.

The hardest thing about being stuck is you don’t know where to go or what to do to make things better.

We also had many wonderful times but our differences were often overshadowing the joy.

We needed someone to help us.

We needed someone to listen to our hearts and help us see the other person’s perspective.

The woman that married us was amazing.

We both respected and cared for her deeply.

Even though she was in Illinois and we were in DC….she agreed to counsel us on the phone.

She would spend time listening to me alone, then listen to Kelly alone and then would get us on the phone together.

It was so healing for us to hear another person’s perspective and insight.

I would listen to Sue tell Kelly tons of things I had been telling him and he would listen to HER!

I couldn’t believe it.

I was also very open to Sue’s insights into me and willing to work on whatever she told me to.

It wasn’t easy.

Change isn’t.

Growing up and thinking of someone else more than yourself is hard.

Don’t underestimate the baggage that people bring into a marriage….and we had it.

Don’t underestimate the importance of the family you marry into because it is huge.

I can’t tell you how many times we talked to Sue on the phone but I don’t think it was more than five.

I don’t know where we would be today if we had not reached out for help.

I am so grateful for her and what she helped us through.

We were actually not a lost cause…..we just needed a little direction.

Those years seem long ago and that kind of hurt and pain seems long gone too.

We are not perfect by any account…. but I can honestly say that today we have one of the best marriages of anyone I know.

We worked though a lot early on and that has made all the difference.

I feel supported, encouraged, treasured and protected by Kelly and I know he feels respected, honored and treasured by me.

He is the father that I always hoped my children would have.

We would both say in a heartbeat that we would choose each other all over again.

I look at those years as the biggest lesson I have ever learned in marriage.

Marriage is hard work.

It will get hard.

You will lose your way every once in awhile.

You may even feel like running….but it can change.

Even today I can be upset and when Kelly puts his arms around me all feelings of sadness or anger washes away like rain washes away dirt.

It washes it clean.

I hold on to those years as a reminder that our marriage may be hard again.

I am not so naive as to believe that we will never have problems again..but I also now KNOW that we can work through it.

I know that our feelings are just that…feelings.

I know that it is not shameful to ask for help when you need it.

I know that our marriage is worth it.

Our family is worth all the work.

**************

As I was trying to find photos for this post I was looking through many albums that contain our twelve and a half years together.

Marriage, first year, pregnancies, babies, birthdays and the everyday.

We would not be were we are today and have the beautiful family that we have without one very big truth….our faith in the Lord.

We stumble and we fall.

We need direction.

I know where we turn.

We do not deserve His grace and love…but He offers it anyways.

THAT is the sweetest of love stories.

True love that is given freely and unconditionally.

Here is my Valentines gift for you today:-)

The reason you were made!

{pause my music before clicking on the link below}

The dream is fading, now I’m staring at the door
I know its over cause my feet have hit the cold floor
Check my reflection, I ain’t feelin what I see
It’s no mystery
Whatever happened to a passion I could live for
What became of the flame that made me feel more
And when did I forget that…

I was made to love you
I was made to find you
I was made just for you
Made to adore you
I was made to love
And be loved by you
You were here before me
You were waiting on me
And you said you’d keep me
Never would you leave me I was made to love
and be loved by you

The dream’s alive with my eyes opened wide
Back in the ring you’ve got me swinging for the grand prize
I feel the haters spittin vapors on my dreams
But I still believe
I’m reachin out, reachin up, reachin over
I feel a breeze cover me called Jehovah
And daddy I’m on my way
Cause I was made to love…

I was made to love you
I was made to find you
I was made just for you
Made to adore you
I was made to love
And be loved by you
You were here before me
You were waiting on me
And you said you’d keep me

Never would you leave me I was made to love
and be loved by you

I was made to love you
I was made just for you
Made to adore you
I was made to love
And be loved by you
You were here before me
You were waiting on me
And you said you’d keep me
Never would you leave me I was made to love
and be loved by you

(nah, nah, nah, nah – nah, nah, nah, nah, nah)
(nah, nah, nah, nah – nah, nah, nah, nah, nah)

Anything I would give up for you (nah, nah, nah, nah, nah)
Everything, I’d give it all away (nah, nah, nah, nah, nah)

Anything I would give up for you (nah, nah, nah, nah, nah)
Everything, I’d give it all away (nah, nah, nah, nah, nah)

Anything I would give up for you (nah, nah, nah, nah, nah)
Everything, I’d give it, I’d give it all away, Oh yeah

Cause I was made to love you (I was made to love you)
Yeah I was made to love you (I was made to find you)
Cause I was made to love you (I was made to adore you, made just for you) (nah, nah, nah, nah, nah)
I was made to love you (I was made to adore you, made just for you)
Cause I was made to love you (I was made to adore you, made just for you) (nah, nah, nah, nah, nah)
I was made to love you (I was made to adore you)

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Comments

  1. Katie Holmes

    Oh, my goodness!! This spoke to me so much! I never felt like my husband and I had a “honeymoon period” either. We kind of jumped right in and started the hard work of living in one place and trying to put each other before ourselves. We are nearing our ONE year anniversary, and this gave me a lot of hope. 🙂 Thank you!

  2. Destiny

    I love that you write about things that are REAL to you….not sugar-coated when you think it’s something that truly matters. This post really touched me because as I have entered into my 7th year of marriage (7 year itch?), I find myself holding a lot of resentment toward my husband and sometimes just feel like giving up. It’s one of those things that stay bottled up, but it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who has ups and downs in marriage. I come from a broken home and sometimes believe that my urgency to “run” may stem from that. I feel that I have more FAITH than my parents did back then though and I am holding on to that and trying to work through my own emotions so that my marriage doesn’t suffer. Thank you Jeanne for sharing your story! HUGS! Happy Valentine’s Day! ~Des

  3. Kerri

    Jeanne,

    This is THE most beautiful and real post I have ever read! I have tears running down my face. This post is so true and it really speaks to me. Thank you so much for caring and for sharing with us!

    And, Happy Valentine’s Day!

    XO,
    Kerri

  4. MJ

    Beautiful beautiful post, perfect for today. Hubs and I have been married now for 11 years and we went through all of our “stuff” right in the beginning. There is something to be said for asking for help. It freed both of us to just dig deep without fear and without judgment. It has made all the difference. Thanks so much for sharing, and the words to that song–WOW!

  5. deborah@applesinwonderland

    jeanne, your story sounds remarkably like ours. we were engaged after 9 weeks, married just 8 months later and 9 months to the day we married–had our first-born. we had a tough go of it. tough. hard. challenging. and worth it. we had to learn to fight fair, to set boundaries with our extended family, learn to live on one teeny income. it was hard. we had a new baby that pushed us to get it together. i wouldn’t want to relive it, but i am thankful for the lessons in it. thank you for this post. btw, we’ve were engaged 18 years ago this week. xoxo

  6. pam

    Thanks for your honesty and willingness to share. A lot of people think they are the only ones going through these kinds of troubles. I think the first year is hard for everyone. Why isn’t it as easy as this fairy tale thing we have been so worked up to expect? Marriage is work. Constant. Both parties have to be willing to work at it. This is our 10th year together and every year has new challenges. Children can’t save marriages but our son has definately brought us closer, taught us patience and made my husband realize we are a team and that there is no “Me” in family 😉 have a great Valentine’s day lovely!

  7. Lara

    Such heart-felt honesty, my friend. So refreshing and your words ring TRUE for so many. I love you fought for it and are happy. You’re a team, that is clear.
    love you this heart day!
    Lara

  8. Sarah

    What a lovely message to share for Valentine’s Day…that true love is a decision, commitment and full of sacrifice…but then oh-so rewarding. Thank you for sharing something so personal, up-lifting and inspiring. Have a lovely day with YOUR Valentine and your little valentines 🙂

  9. LuLu

    Happy Valentine’s day! Thank you for sharing your love story…. i love knowing what others do to work at having the best relationship,marriage, family…. yours is very inspiring, your children will be forever greatful to have you both as parents!!!
    xo,
    LuLu

  10. Mikal

    Your willingness to share your journey is so wonderful Jeanne. I hope others will see how beautiful a marraige can be when it’s worked for. Hugs to you!

  11. Lora

    Love how you weave your faith with your creativity;it’s been a great inspiration to me with my start in blogging! Thanks for sharing the ups and downs of marriage: not for the faint of heart, it’s all about hanging in there for better and worse! Thanks for the Toby video-I was going to do the same thing for Love Month, but don’t quite have the technology skills yet! Toby’s my favorite exercise partner!

  12. Alicia @ La Famille

    thanks for sharing with us! i love your story…i love that you admit when you’ve struggled.
    we’ve been married for 8 1/2 years and it has been work…that’s for sure…but it’s worth
    it. thanks again 🙂

    {alicia}

  13. Martha

    what a beautiful love story…I loved that you shared this and how everything came to a better place together…I think you could have written some very similar things to our story…very similar…for things we have said we would both be embarrassed too in the beginning…but how beautiful your commitment to God is and your commitment to one another…a great example for everyone especially your kiddos
    Happy Valentine’s Day
    xo

  14. Flower Patch Farmgirl

    Year 1 was La-La Land. Year 2 was Hell. It almost wrecked us. We reached out for help, too. The “help” itself wasn’t super productive, but the knowledge that we were reaching out – together – began to bridge the gap.

    Thanks for sharing your heart, here. It’s lovely.

    ps- Cherry Blossoms!!!!!!!

  15. Chelsea

    This is such a wonderful post – I think we can get caught up in the “romantic idea” of marriage. But as you have stated it is work – the best work, but work. Thank you for the reminder!

    Chelsea

  16. meg duerksen

    it is hard to be married at first.
    there is just so much to learn. 🙂
    one of the best things that we did….unknowingly….was to move away from everyone.
    we only had each other.
    no family, no friends….just us.
    it could’ve gone bad but for us it was a blessing.
    we needed it to grow up on our own.

    i love that you share your faith jeanne!
    and i don’t think i have told you how cool your new blog is!
    🙂

  17. lisa ann

    Goodness… I think I should print this post and save it for my children. You’ve manage to write my own experience (except our year was 1997). We were truly two independent people coming together and having to learn compromise. We were so distracted with external family drama that we missed so many deserved moments of Joy. That is a sad reality that can never be changed. The blessing is being able to see so clearly now how God brought us together with intention and has held us together for a purpose. Faith is good. Love with faith is good and strong. Thank you for your words and the moment they gave me to pause today and remember 1997. lisa

  18. Sandy

    Isn’t it wonderful how you just know and feel that you have married your best friend?
    I thank you so much Jeanne for sharing your wonderful Love Story with us.
    I could barely keep it dry.
    I recognized so much in what you wrote.
    There are also times that I ask my Best Friend John, Would you marry me again? And without any doubt in his voice he says…YES. We had family luggage too when we met and married. There was a child from a previous relationship. And I was soooo young. But, I would do it all over again.
    We had lots of arguments and even went to bed without saying goodnight. That is sad.
    Thank God for the Lord coming into our lives. He put Life in our Love. Now when we argue we suddenly get quiet and stare at eachother and crack up laughing. Not even remembering what the argument started with. Istn’t Love beautiful?
    Istn’t God wonderful? As Lisa (above) wrote that her year was 1997. Our year was 1996. And I have learned that Marriage is not always rainbows and roses. Cause when the roses don’t come anymore, when the money runs dry, when you have to leave your home, when you don’t know when the next paycheck will arrive… What do you have. I know that I have still my best friend in the world.
    Thank you Jeanne, for helping me to not forget! My Life is kind of chaotich. Lost the house, no more money, a baby on the way (blessing), living in a travel trailer, but we have the Lord and so eachother.

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